"I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable."

Humor, Confusion, Cows, Today

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"I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable."

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"I laugh for sheer medicinal purposes, because I feel I might die otherwise."

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"Rest assured you make perfectly good nonsense. I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all."

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"Hey, guard! Ian hollered out loud. "Do you think we could get a bathroom break? The guard seemed to snicker as he pointed to the grass outside the cell. Eena smirked at how dead-on her thoughts had been after all. "Come on, Ian complained. "She can't do that, she's a girl. The soldier smiled wryly, a shrug communicating his indifference. Eena laughed in her mind. (I don't know what you think's so funny. You're the one who's gotta pee.) Oddly enough, that fact just made her laugh even more."

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"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

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"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

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Explore more quotes by Bob Newhart

"I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun."

Success

"I've been a very lucky actor."

Actor

"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves."

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"Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story."

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"Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there."

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"I'm very open to the up-and-comers."

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"I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it."

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"The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors."

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"Funny is funny is funny."

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"I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much."

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