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Bob Newhart

"I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable."

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"I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable."

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A.E. Samaan

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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A.E. Samaan

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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A.E. Samaan

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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A.E. Samaan

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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A.E. Samaan

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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A.E. Samaan

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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A.E. Samaan

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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A.E. Samaan

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

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A.E. Samaan

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

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A.E. Samaan

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

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Bob Newhart
"When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity."
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Bob Newhart
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves."
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Bob Newhart
"It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it."
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Bob Newhart
"Funny is funny is funny."
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Bob Newhart
"The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors."
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Bob Newhart
"I've been a very lucky actor."
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Bob Newhart
"This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now."
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Bob Newhart
"I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it."
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Bob Newhart
"I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much."
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Bob Newhart
"Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story."
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