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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
Author Name
Personal Development

"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
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Personal Development
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"My advice to people today is as follows: if you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out."
Life

"Science is all metaphor."
Science

"In the information age, you don't teach philosophy as they did after feudalism. You perform it. If Aristotle were alive today he'd have a talk show."
Age

"The universe is an intelligence test."
Intelligence

"Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time."
Time

"You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind."
Time

"We are dealing with the best-educated generation in history. But they've got a brain dressed up with nowhere to go."
History

"I've left specific instructions that I do not want to be brought back during a Republican administration."
Humor

"Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top."
Civilization

"There are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third."
Humor
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