"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."

Humor, Liquor

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"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

Robert A. Heinlein, American Writer

Humor, Animals, Cats, Wisdom

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, God, Idiots, Practice, School

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Literary

Explore more quotes by Ogden Nash

"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it."

People

"Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive."

Family

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them."

Marriage

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

Society

"The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control."

Happiness

"Too clever is dumb."

Wisdom

"Women would rather be right than reasonable."

Woman

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Explore more quotes by Ogden Nash

"I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it."

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."

"Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?"

"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it."

"Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive."

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them."

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

"The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control."

"Too clever is dumb."

"Women would rather be right than reasonable."