"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."

Humor, Day, Pleasure

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"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

Munia Khan, Bangladeshi Poet

Humor, Satire, Criticism, Truth

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

George Eliot, British Author

Humor, Wit, Blood, Language

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Humor, Women, Life, Creativity

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

Pawan Mishra, Indian Author

Humor, Truth, Observation, Happiness

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Albert Einstein, German Scientist

Humor, Contempt, Music, Order

Explore more quotes by Evelyn Waugh

"News is what a chap who doesn't care much about anything wants to read. And it's only news until he's read it. After that it's dead."

Care

"It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste."

Paradise

"Pray always for all the learned, the oblique, the delicate. Let them not be quite forgotten at the throne of God when the simple come into their kingdom."

God

"Art is the symbol of the two noblest human efforts: to construct and to refrain from destruction."

Art

"One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die."

Language

"Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything."

Manners

"What is youth except a man or woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?"

Man

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Explore more quotes by Evelyn Waugh

"News is what a chap who doesn't care much about anything wants to read. And it's only news until he's read it. After that it's dead."

"It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste."

"Pray always for all the learned, the oblique, the delicate. Let them not be quite forgotten at the throne of God when the simple come into their kingdom."

"In the dying world I come from, quotation is a national vice."

"Almost all crime is due to the repressed desire for aesthetic expression."

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored."

"Art is the symbol of the two noblest human efforts: to construct and to refrain from destruction."

"One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die."

"Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything."

"What is youth except a man or woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?"