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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."
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Personal Development
"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me."
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Personal Development
"I'm not an expert on the Malaysian sense of humor."
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Personal Development
"The hon. gentleman had better spare his interrogations if they are as senseless as that one."
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Personal Development
"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.Come let us fart in the home.There is no art in a fart.Still a fart may not be artless.Let us fart and artless fart in the home."
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Personal Development
"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
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Personal Development
"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
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Personal Development
"American professional athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity."
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Personal Development
"I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly."
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Personal Development
Explore more quotes by Mark Twain
"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."
Language
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
Wisdom
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
Wisdom
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
Wisdom
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."
Life
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
Wisdom
"Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?"
Society
"One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning."
Learning
"I had to have company -- I was made for it, I think -- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest disposition and the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one, and they are always ready for a romp or an excursion or anything you want to propose."
Friendship
"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."
Humor
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