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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"By the end of high school I was not of course an educated man, but I knew how to try to become one."
Education
"For most men, life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed."
Life
"The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest."
Talent
"Gertrude Stein was masterly in making nothing happen very slowly."
Nothing
"As between mileage and experience choose experience."
Experience
"Cheese is milk's leap towards immortality."
Food
"Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking."
Thinking
"My main recollection is of the work I had to do in order to eat."
Work
"I tried to use the questions and answers as an armature on which to build a sculpture of genuine conversation."
Answers
"Experience teaches you that the man who looks you straight in the eye, particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something."
Experience
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