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"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"Hope is a great falsifier. Let good judgment keep her in check."
Hope
"Little said is soon amended. There is always time to add a word, never to withdraw one."
Time
"Dreams will get you nowhere, a good kick in the pants will take you a long way."
Dream
"A bad manner spoils everything, even reason and justice; a good one supplies everything, gilds a No, sweetens a truth, and adds a touch of beauty to old age itself."
Age
"Luck can be assisted. It is not all chance with the wise."
Chance
"Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment."
Ability
"Without courage, wisdom bears no fruit."
Wisdom
"Never open the door to a lesser evil, for other and greater ones invariably slink in after it."
Evil
"It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards."
Lie
"Fortune pays you sometimes for the intensity of her favors by the shortness of their duration. She soon tires of carrying any one long on her shoulders."
Fortune
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