Humor Quotes | Beyond Motive 4/59

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Humor Quotes

"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."

"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Children, Clothes

47

"A sick man that gets talking about himself a woman that gets talking about her baby and an author that begins reading out of his own book never know when to stop."

"A sick man that gets talking about himself a woman that gets talking about her baby and an author that begins reading out of his own book never know when to stop."

Oliver Wendell Holmes, American Writer

Humor, Self, Speech, Ego, Expression

47

"Oh hell no. Guys don't talk about that crap."You're serious."Really."What do you talk about?Shane looked at her as if she were insane. "You know. Stuff. We're not girls. We don't talk about our feelings. I mean, not to other guys.Claire rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, be emotionally stunted losers; I don't care."

"Oh hell no. Guys don't talk about that crap."You're serious."Really."What do you talk about?Shane looked at her as if she were insane. "You know. Stuff. We're not girls. We don't talk about our feelings. I mean, not to other guys.Claire rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, be emotionally stunted losers; I don't care."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Emotion, Communication, Men

47

"Then you remember the dream, Mencheres stated. 'That bodes ill. The fear of that made my reply snappy. 'Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century? The shit's gonna splatter, start buggin', yo, Mencheres responded instantly. I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he'd just conveyed."

"Then you remember the dream, Mencheres stated. 'That bodes ill. The fear of that made my reply snappy. 'Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century? The shit's gonna splatter, start buggin', yo, Mencheres responded instantly. I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he'd just conveyed."

Jeaniene Frost, American Author

Humor, Irony, Dialogue, Supernatural

47

"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."

"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."

Peter Steele, American Musician

Humor, Darkness

47

"Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose."

"Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose."

Heinrich Heine, German Poet

Humor, End, May, Tears

47

"Wit and playfulness represent a desperately serious transcendence of evil. Humor is both a form of wisdom and a means of survival."

"Wit and playfulness represent a desperately serious transcendence of evil. Humor is both a form of wisdom and a means of survival."

Tom Robbins, American Author

Humor, Wisdom, Evil, Survival

47

"Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks."

"Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks."

Carlos Ruiz Zafon, Spanish Novelist

Humor, Observation, Experience, Aging

47

"Letter home from college boy: "There are 370 boys here - I wish there were 369.""

"Letter home from college boy: "There are 370 boys here - I wish there were 369.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Loneliness, College, Life

47

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Social, Hair, Identity

47

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

Heinrich Heine, German Poet

Humor, Kisses, Lies

46

"What we're doing is fun - if you have any sense of humor at all!"

"What we're doing is fun - if you have any sense of humor at all!"

Calvin Klein, American Designer

Humor, Fun, Sense

46

"I'm not a very good advertisement for the American school system."

"I'm not a very good advertisement for the American school system."

David Brinkley, American Journalist

46

"He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page."

"He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page."

Jeremy Northam, English Actor

Humor, Pretty, Sarcastic, Sense

46

"I hate to be what is called a clever girl-there are too many of that sort now!"

"I hate to be what is called a clever girl-there are too many of that sort now!"

Thomas Hardy, English Novelist

Humor, Feminism, Identity, Individual

46

"Far be it from me to force anyone into either chess or dressage, but if you choose to do so yourself, in my opinion there is only one way: follow the rules."

"Far be it from me to force anyone into either chess or dressage, but if you choose to do so yourself, in my opinion there is only one way: follow the rules."

Lars von Trier, Danish Director

Humor, Chess, Force, Opinion, Rules

46

"I'm so glad you're okay.""So, how do we celebrate my okayness? It's my day off. Let's go crazy. Glow-in-the-dark bowling?""No""I'll let you use the kiddie ball.""Shut up. I do NOT need the kiddie ball.""The way you bowl, I think you might."He grabbed her in an exaggerated formal dance pose and whirled her around, backpack and all, which didn't make her any more graceful. "Ballroom dancing?""Are you INSANE?""Hey, girls who tango are hot.""You think I'm not hot because I don't tango?"He dropped the act. Shane was a smart boy. "I think you are too hot for ballroom or bowling. So you tell me. What do you want to do? And don't say study."

"I'm so glad you're okay.""So, how do we celebrate my okayness? It's my day off. Let's go crazy. Glow-in-the-dark bowling?""No""I'll let you use the kiddie ball.""Shut up. I do NOT need the kiddie ball.""The way you bowl, I think you might."He grabbed her in an exaggerated formal dance pose and whirled her around, backpack and all, which didn't make her any more graceful. "Ballroom dancing?""Are you INSANE?""Hey, girls who tango are hot.""You think I'm not hot because I don't tango?"He dropped the act. Shane was a smart boy. "I think you are too hot for ballroom or bowling. So you tell me. What do you want to do? And don't say study."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Love, Romance, Fun

46

"I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists."

"I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists."

Vladimir Nabokov, American Novelist

Humor, Enjoyment, Psychiatry, Mind

46

"Having solved all the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe except for his own, three times over, [Marvin] was severely stuck for something to do, and had taken up composing short dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one was a lullaby."

"Having solved all the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe except for his own, three times over, [Marvin] was severely stuck for something to do, and had taken up composing short dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one was a lullaby."

Douglas Adams, English Writer

Humor, Intelligence, Philosophy, Creativity

46

"After all, a woman who doesn't love cats is never going to be make a man happy."

"After all, a woman who doesn't love cats is never going to be make a man happy."

Orhan Pamuk, Turkish Novelist

Humor, Love, Cats, Relationship, Happiness

46

"Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don't do them anymore."

"Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don't do them anymore."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Time, Emotion, Mood

46

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty.""

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty.""

Theodore Roosevelt, American President

Humor, Senate, Senators

46

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

Woody Allen, American Director

Humor, Sex, Truth, Observation

46

"Dad named his first ulcer after me."

"Dad named his first ulcer after me."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Family, Dad, Stress

45

"Gags die, humor doesn't."

"Gags die, humor doesn't."

Jack Benny, American Comedian

45

"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."

"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."

Evelyn Waugh, English Author

Humor, Day, Pleasure

45

"A politician is a statesman who approaches every question with an open mouth."

"A politician is a statesman who approaches every question with an open mouth."

Adlai E. Stevenson, American Politician

Humor, Open, Question

45

"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."

"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."

Milos Forman, Czechoslovakian Director

45

"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."

"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."

Stephen Leacock, Canadian Economist

Humor, People, Fish, Fishing, Name

45

"Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?"

"Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?"

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Humor, Psychiatry, Modernity, Society

45

"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."

"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."

Victor Borge, American Musician

Humor, Truth, Aspirations, Limitations

45

"Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.""The better to style with, my dear."

"Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.""The better to style with, my dear."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

Humor, Appearance, Irony, Dialogue

45

"Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes! Dee shrieked. "My eyes!"

"Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes! Dee shrieked. "My eyes!"

Jennifer L. Armentrout, American Author

Humor, Observation, Emotion, Life

45

"Yes, my dear child, monsters are real. I happen to have one hanging in my basement."

"Yes, my dear child, monsters are real. I happen to have one hanging in my basement."

Rick Yancey, American Author

Humor, Fear, Reality, Life

45

"There is nothing harder to explain than humor."

"There is nothing harder to explain than humor."

Milan Kundera, Czechoslovakian Writer

Humor, Explanation, Life, Truth

45

"I think people are sexy when they have a sense of humor, when they are smart, when they have some sense of style, when they are kind, when they express their own opinions, when they are creative, when they have character."

"I think people are sexy when they have a sense of humor, when they are smart, when they have some sense of style, when they are kind, when they express their own opinions, when they are creative, when they have character."

Suzanne Vega, American Musician

Humor, People, Character, Opinions

45

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."

Stephen Leacock, Canadian Economist

Humor, Life, Day

45

"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."

"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Metaphor, Sensation, Description

45

"The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence."

"The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence."

P. G. Wodehouse, English Writer

Humor, Generosity, Action, Life

45

"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."

"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."

Calvin Trillin, American Journalist

Humor, Sound, Word

44

"Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion."

"Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion."

Thomas Browne, British Scientist

Humor, Men, Passion, Reason

44

"Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing."

"Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing."

Allen Klein, American Businessman

44

"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."

"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."

Clifton Fadiman, American Writer

Humor, Ability, Sense

44

"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."

"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."

William Temple, British Archbishop

Humor, Truth, Conversation, First

44

"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Ending, Will

44

"I failed to fulfill what should have been an interesting role. I couldn't take their formula and bring what I had, my humor, my ideas, and make it my own."

"I failed to fulfill what should have been an interesting role. I couldn't take their formula and bring what I had, my humor, my ideas, and make it my own."

Dianne Wiest, American Actress

Humor, Ideas, Formula

44

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

Amber Tamblyn, American Actress

Humor, Religion, God, Sense

44

"Down the road, I'll probably have a kid or two or three. And there will probably be political events or spiritual things to comment on, and humor."

"Down the road, I'll probably have a kid or two or three. And there will probably be political events or spiritual things to comment on, and humor."

Alanis Morissette, Canadian Musician

Humor, Events, Road, Spiritual

44

"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."

"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."

E. B. White, American Writer

44

"Sometimes I put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets and beg for quarters."

"Sometimes I put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets and beg for quarters."

Mike Tyson, American Athlete

Humor, Clothes, Dress, Old, Ski

44

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