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Humor Quotes
"The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job."
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"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."
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"The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular."
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"I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor."
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"I hate to be what is called a clever girl-there are too many of that sort now!"
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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
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"One can have a wit, but not a witless."
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"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."
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"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
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"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."
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"As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure person and I've always wanted to be liked."
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"Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it."
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"It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle."
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"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."
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"Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. 'Will you swear?'And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, '-frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!' and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. 'Is that what you meant, my lord?"
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"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
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"Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes! Dee shrieked. "My eyes!"
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"I'm so glad you're okay.""So, how do we celebrate my okayness? It's my day off. Let's go crazy. Glow-in-the-dark bowling?""No""I'll let you use the kiddie ball.""Shut up. I do NOT need the kiddie ball.""The way you bowl, I think you might."He grabbed her in an exaggerated formal dance pose and whirled her around, backpack and all, which didn't make her any more graceful. "Ballroom dancing?""Are you INSANE?""Hey, girls who tango are hot.""You think I'm not hot because I don't tango?"He dropped the act. Shane was a smart boy. "I think you are too hot for ballroom or bowling. So you tell me. What do you want to do? And don't say study."
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"I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?''People who like things neat?''Its not natural."
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"A sick man that gets talking about himself a woman that gets talking about her baby and an author that begins reading out of his own book never know when to stop."
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"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."
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"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."
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"Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks."
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"The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence."
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"To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice."
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"If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well."
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"My greatest thrill was the day Mad magazine spoofed 'Ghost.'"
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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you."
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"Hey, Ms. P," Tad called, "what's going on?"She let out a slow breath before she answered. "You won't believe this... Brian Murrey tried to eat Scott Morgan."Nick's eyes widened at the unexpected explanation. Had he heard that right?"
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"I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats."
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"Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?"
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