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Humor Quotes
"Mr Gray didn't care much for Jonesy's body (or so he told himself; in truth it was hard not to feel at least some affection for something capable of providing such unexpected pleasures as 'bacon' and 'murder'), but it did have to take him another couple of hundred miles."
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"Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor."
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"We want you to visit our State of Excitement often. Come again and again. But for heaven's sake, don't move here to live. Or if you do have to move in to live, don't tell any of your neighbors where you are going."
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"Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal. You can get more points if you make fun of your own side sometimes."
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"Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it."
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"Good taste and humor are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore."
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"Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it."
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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor."
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"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."
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"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
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"A lecture is an occasion when you numb one end to benefit the other."
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"People ask me what the most important thing to take on the race is, and I always say it's a sense of humor. If you've got nothing but a sense of humor, you will survive."
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"I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged."
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"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
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"I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist."
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"Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification."
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"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
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"Lovers of print are simply confusing the plate for the food."
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"Humor expands our limited picture frame and gets us to see more than just our problem."
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"Been eating candies, have you?""You sent those?" She kept her mouth closed as much as possible."Of course." He picked up the brown bad of candy on the table. "What's your..." He trailed off as he weighed the bad in his hands. "Didn't I give you three pounds of candy?"She smiled impishly."You ate half the bag!""Was I supposed to save it?""I would have liked some!""You never told me that.""Because I didn't expect you to consume all of it before breakfast!"She snatched the bag from him and put it on the table. "Well, that just hows poor judgement on your part, doesn't it?"
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"The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature."
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"I was in a department store and the clerk came up to me and said "do you want to lay on the couch' I said "Where's your clip board?"
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"What did Finnick Odair want? he asks.I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick. "He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets, I say in my best seductive voice.Peeta laughs. "Ugh. Not really."Really, I say. "I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling."
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"I admit I'm bipolar but if you think I'm stupid you're crazy."
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"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."
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