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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
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"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory."
Happiness
"Don't ask to live in tranquil times. Literature doesn't grow there."
Literature
"A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction."
Life
"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash."
Education
"I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can."
Age
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Friendship
"I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull."
Comedy
"Humor comes from self-confidence."
Humor
"Every action is either strong or weak, and when every action is strong we are successful."
Success
"Virginia Woolf said that writers must be androgynous. I'll go a step further. You must be bisexual."
Identity
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