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"A sick man that gets talking about himself a woman that gets talking about her baby and an author that begins reading out of his own book never know when to stop."
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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
Author Name
Personal Development
"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
Author Name
Personal Development
"People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound."
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Personal Development
"We can't all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing."
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Personal Development
"His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music."
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Personal Development
"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."
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Personal Development
"People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision."
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Personal Development
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"A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide."
Death
"We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing."
Old
"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness."
Happiness
"I hate being placed on committees. They are always having meetings at which half are absent and the rest late."
Society
"A weak mind does not accumulate force enough to hurt itself stupidity often saves a man from going mad."
Psychology
"I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap."
Time
"We expect more of ourselves than we have any right to."
Expectation
"A man is a kind of inverted thermometer the bulb uppermost and the column of self-valuation is all the time going up and down."
Self
"When I feel inclined to read poetry I take down my dictionary. The poetry of words is quite as beautiful as the poetry of sentences."
Poetry
"When in doubt do it."
Action
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