"It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle."

Humor, Critique, Family, Observation

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"It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle."

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Anthony Liccione, American Author

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"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

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"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

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"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

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"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

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Explore more quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

"He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!""

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"Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels."

Writing, Letters

"It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them."

Life, People, Apologies, Right

"Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting."

Life, Despair, Salvation, Worth

"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

Cure, Hair

"Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed."

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"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose."

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"Suiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?''Oh, rather!''What do you do about it?''I generally take a couple of cocktails."

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"When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon."

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"It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time."

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