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"It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle."
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Explore more quotes by P. G. Wodehouse
"Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting."
"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."
"Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed."
"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose."
"As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight."
"It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought."
"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun."
"One of the first lessons life teaches us is that on these occasions of back-chat between the delicately-natured, a man should retire into the offing, curl up in a ball, and imitate the prudent tactics of the opossum, which, when danger is in the air, pretends to be dead, frequently going to the length of hanging out crAape and instructing its friends to gather round and say what a pity it all is."
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