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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary."
Children

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
People

"My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it."
Mother

"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
Humor

"If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward."
Laughter

"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."
Time

"When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance."
Appearance

"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."
People

"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
Wife

"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."
Difference
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