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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."
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Personal Development

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
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Personal Development

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
Wife


"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
People


"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."
People


"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
Humor


"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."
Time


"I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible... and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary."
Children


"My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it."
Mother


"If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward."
Laughter


"When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance."
Appearance


"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."
Difference
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