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Calvin Trillin

"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."

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"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

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"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."

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"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."

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"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

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"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

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Amber Hurdle

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

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"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

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"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

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Amber Hurdle

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

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"The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt."
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"I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still."
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"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
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"When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere."
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"Health food makes me sick."
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"The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out."
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Calvin Trillin
"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
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