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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"I worked very hard, but I think it's unfair to make it all sound like it's all David's fault."
Fault
"Now, having had this experience, I can't say really what they were looking for. I don't know their minds. But every time I see a reality show, it seems that the most entertaining parts on other reality shows are when they make their guests look foolish."
Time
"I mean, I inherited the disease of alcoholism, and I learned early to get help when I needed it. I always went to people who knew more than I did."
People
"He's a good tough producer, yes. But I don't think that he's unreasonable unless he feels threatened. And when somebody's in your home, I think everybody in the home gets threatened."
Home
"I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been through hell on Earth."
Earth
"Whenever we were on a plane, we had a family."
Family
"I am deeply saddened by the death of my dear friend, Dudley Moore."
Death
"I've said it before, but it's absolutely true: My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future."
Dream
"But I don't think there's any reason to get married again, especially after what I've been through."
Reason
"Dream on it. Let your mind take you to places you would like to go, and then think about it and plan it and celebrate the possibilities. And don't listen to anyone who doesn't know how to dream."
Dream
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