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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"I had a one day slip, Matt. So what do you do? You get up and you go on, and you try not to do it again."
Day
"I worked very hard, but I think it's unfair to make it all sound like it's all David's fault."
Fault
"He was doing - Ray was designing the clothes for my mom's show from California. And one of the first appearances I ever made on television was on my mother's show and Ray and Bob did the clothes for that. It has been a long time."
Time
"So I would dance and she would sing, and it was kind of a family thing. Performing was part of our world."
Family
"Well, when I was growing up it was Ozzie and Harriet on TV - nobody's parents were like that."
Growing up
"I feel like I haven't done my best work yet. I feel like there's a world of possibilities out there."
Work
"I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been through hell on Earth."
Earth
"Well, I've known Elizabeth almost all of her life and almost all of my life. And I love her with all of my heart and she's always been there for me. She's a wonderful, wonderful dame. She's a great lady."
Life
"My mother was an artist and highly strung, whereas my father was much calmer."
Mother
"I had the drink after I fell out of bed. It hurt."
Bed
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"I don't think it's possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun." -"I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
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