top of page
.png){kind=small}
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
Standard
Customized
More
"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season."
Life
"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
Time
"Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day."
Work
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm."
Being
"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."
Society
"To God, thy country, and thy friend be true."
Friendship
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."
Age
"People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong."
People
"It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them."
Money
"Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed."
Life
bottom of page