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"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."
"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."
"Life is too hard to maintain a constantly serious outlook. You have to laugh at yourself and the world now and then-see humor in undesirable circumstances, even harsh situations-or you will either rot from the inside or go stark-raving mad. Humor is power against the worst oppression. It lightens heavy burdens; it allows one to smile while in agony; it eases excruciating pains. In short, humor makes the intolerable tolerable."
Explore more quotes by Bill Vaughan
"People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong."
"Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."
"In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season."
"Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed."
"It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them."
"The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas."
"The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does."
"Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day."
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