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"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
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Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development
"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."
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Personal Development
"Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it."
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Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development
"Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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Personal Development
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
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Personal Development
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"Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed."
Life
"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it."
Time
"It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them."
Money
"The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas."
Home
"In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season."
Life
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to."
Age
"Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."
Money
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
Humor
"We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics."
Gratitude
"Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day."
Work
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