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Ilona Andrews

"You will not pass! Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf."

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"You will not pass! Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf."

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A.E. Samaan

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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A.E. Samaan

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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A.E. Samaan

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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A.E. Samaan

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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A.E. Samaan

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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A.E. Samaan

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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A.E. Samaan

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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A.E. Samaan

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

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A.E. Samaan

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

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A.E. Samaan

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

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Ilona Andrews
"Yes, Curran said. "We'd like you to officiate."I'm sorry?"We'd like you to marry us, I said.Roman's eyes went wide. He pointed to himself. "Me?"Yes, Curran said."Marry you?"Yes."You do know what I do, right?"Yes, I said. "You're Chernobog's priest."
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Ilona Andrews
"So you want me to track down a supernaturally fast sniper who can disappear into thin air, retrieve your maps, and do it so nobody finds out what I'm doing or why?''Exactly.'I sighed. 'I'll get the paperwork."
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Ilona Andrews
"Oh, Gods."His eyes shone with want and predatory satisfaction. "The name's William. It's a common mistake."
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Ilona Andrews
"So far I had the god of evil and the god of terror on my side. My good-guy image was taking a serious beating. Maybe I should recruit some unicorns or kittens with rainbow powers to even us out."
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Ilona Andrews
"I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari-I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful."
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Ilona Andrews
"She had only two modes of operation: complete control or complete insanity."
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Ilona Andrews
"Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy."
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Ilona Andrews
"The mage pulled my knife out of his side and looked at it. "Nice knife. The voice was deep but female.I threw my second knife. The blade bit into the mage's chest. Shit. Missed the neck. "Here, have another one."
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Ilona Andrews
"A dense wall of greenery bordered it, ...an impenetrable barrier of oaks, evergreen shrubs, blackberry that somehow resisted the frost, and thorns. In the defense department, the witches would make Sleeping Beauty's evil witch weep with jealousy."
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Ilona Andrews
"Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did."
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