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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle."
Music

"Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose."
Humor

"He only profits from praise who values criticism."
Values

"Experience is a good school. But the fees are high."
Experience

"Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings."
Books

"The Bible is the great family chronicle of the Jews."
Family

"Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well are two things. A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks."
Eloquence

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."
Humor

"If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world."
Time

"It is a common phenomenon that just the prettiest girls find it so difficult to get a man."
Appearance
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