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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
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Personal Development
"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."
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Personal Development
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
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Personal Development
"His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music."
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Personal Development
"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."
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Personal Development
"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."
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Personal Development
"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"
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Personal Development
"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."
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Personal Development
"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."
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Personal Development
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"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."
Humor
"It is extremely difficult for a Jew to be converted, for how can he bring himself to believe in the divinity of - another Jew?"
Religion
"I have never seen an ass who talked like a human being, but I have met many human beings who talked like asses."
Being
"Woman is at once apple and serpent."
Woman
"Of course God will forgive me; that's His job."
God
"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."
Reading
"True eloquence consists in saying all that is necessary, and nothing but what is necessary."
Eloquence
"It is a common phenomenon that just the prettiest girls find it so difficult to get a man."
Appearance
"There are more fools in the world than there are people."
People
"Christ rode on an ass, but now asses ride on Christ."
Christian
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