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Humor Quotes
"Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor."
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"Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it."
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"I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate."
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"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."
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"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."
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"Poor David Hume is dying fast, but with more real cheerfulness and good humor and with more real resignation to the necessary course of things, than any whining Christian ever dyed with pretended resignation to the will of God."
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"I've left specific instructions that I do not want to be brought back during a Republican administration."
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"To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end."
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"Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius."
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"I think part of the appeal of mathematical logic is that the formulas look mysterious - You write backward Es!"
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"Bite me, Goth princess, Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."Maybe you should say that to Michael."Not funny, Eve, Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit, she said."
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"You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance."
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"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?"
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"I like the sound of that, crashing Monica's party," he glanced at Michael, then quickly away. "What about you? That break some kind of vampire rules or something?""Blow me Shane.""Boys," Eve said primly. "Language. Minor at the table.""Well," Shane said, "I wasn't actually planning to do it."Claire rolled her eyes. "Not like it's the first time I've heard it. Or said it.""You shouldnt say it," Michael said, all seriousness. "No, I mean it. Girls should say 'eat me' not 'blow me'. Wouldn't recommend 'bite me' though. Not around here."
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"I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel."
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"Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. "What?" he asked. "They're quite comfortable." He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air. "Of course they are," she said. Just when she thought Myrnin was getting his mental act together, he'd do something like that. Or maybe he was just messing with her. He liked to do that, and his dark eyes were fixed on her now, assessing just how weirded-out she was. Which, on the grade scale of zero to Myrnin, wasn't much."
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"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it."
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"The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting."
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"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
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"I'm so glad you're okay.""So, how do we celebrate my okayness? It's my day off. Let's go crazy. Glow-in-the-dark bowling?""No""I'll let you use the kiddie ball.""Shut up. I do NOT need the kiddie ball.""The way you bowl, I think you might."He grabbed her in an exaggerated formal dance pose and whirled her around, backpack and all, which didn't make her any more graceful. "Ballroom dancing?""Are you INSANE?""Hey, girls who tango are hot.""You think I'm not hot because I don't tango?"He dropped the act. Shane was a smart boy. "I think you are too hot for ballroom or bowling. So you tell me. What do you want to do? And don't say study."
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"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."
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"When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all."
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"I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists."
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"In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh."
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"We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor."
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