"There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse."

Humor, First, Housework, Years

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"There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse."

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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

Explore more quotes by Quentin Crisp

"You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave."

Family

"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum."

People

"Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave."

Fun

"Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are."

Fashion

"There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings."

Money

"The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right."

Time

"Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh."

Storytelling

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Explore more quotes by Quentin Crisp

"You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave."

"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum."

"Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave."

"Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are."

"There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings."

"Men get laid, but women get screwed."

"Manners are love in a cool climate."

"Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors."

"The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right."

"Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh."