"I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate."

Humor, Sons

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"I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate."

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Action, Life, Absurdity

Explore more quotes by Nancy Astor

"The penalty of success is to be bored by people who used to snub you."

Success

"I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate."

Humor

"I married beneath me, all women do."

Woman

"One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time."

Time

"Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women."

Man

"The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything... or nothing."

Change

"My vigor, vitality and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run from."

Self-Perception

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Explore more quotes by Nancy Astor

"The penalty of success is to be bored by people who used to snub you."

"I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate."

"I married beneath me, all women do."

"One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time."

"Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women."

"The only thing I like about rich people is their money."

"Pioneers may be picturesque figures, but they are often rather lonely ones."

"The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women."

"The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything... or nothing."

"My vigor, vitality and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run from."