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"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
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"I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens."
Literature
"A writer is like a bean plant - he has his little day, and then gets stringy."
Writing
"One of the most time-consuming things is to have an enemy."
Time
"The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war."
Time
"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."
Humor
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority."
Nature
"English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgment and education - sometimes it's sheer luck, like getting across the street."
Education
"Old age is a special problem for me because I've never been able to shed the mental image I have of myself - a lad of about 19."
Age
"The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind."
People
"To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year."
Christian
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