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"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
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Personal Development
"Being called "dangerous" by a cat could mean a great many things, but it was generally delivered as something of a compliment."
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Personal Development
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"The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people."
People
"I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens."
Literature
"There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement."
People
"There's no limit to how complicated things can get, on account of one thing always leading to another."
Complexity
"The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change and we all instinctively avoid it."
Change
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority."
Nature
"Luck is not something you can mention in the presence of self-made men."
Man
"A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handy man with a sense of humus."
Man
"The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind."
People
"We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry."
Joy
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