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"In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
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Personal Development
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"More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments."
American
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
Work
"Quit worrying about your health. It will go away."
Health
"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."
Day
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
Home
"If you can laugh together, you can work together."
Work
"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."
Now
"Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected."
Children
"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."
Graduation
"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
Blame
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