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"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"The reason there's so much ignorance is that those who have it are so eager to share it."
Ignorance
"A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them."
Habit
"A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once."
Authority
"It's hard to detect good luck - it looks so much like something you've earned."
Luck
"Kindness makes a fellow feel good whether it's being done to him or by him."
Being
"We didn't actually overspend our budget. The health Commission allocation simply fell short of our expenditure."
Health
"There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child."
Trust
"We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it."
Age
"Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out."
Generosity
"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."
Love
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