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"Satire is focused bitterness."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
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"Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less."
God
"Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable."
Happiness
"Satire is focused bitterness."
Humor
"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."
Humor
"Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined."
Courage
"A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead."
Conservative
"Words must surely be counted among the most powerful drugs man ever invented."
Writing
"A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood."
Writing
"The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it."
Being
"Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense."
Truth
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