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Stephen Leacock

"It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it."

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"It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

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Amber Hurdle

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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Amber Hurdle

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

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Amber Hurdle

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

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Amber Hurdle

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

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Amber Hurdle

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

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Amber Hurdle

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

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Amber Hurdle

"Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere."

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Amber Hurdle

"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."

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Amber Hurdle

"Southern DADDY-Dandy At Doin' Diapers Y'all!"

Explore more quotes by Stephen Leacock

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Stephen Leacock
"It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy."
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Stephen Leacock
"The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine."
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Stephen Leacock
"There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit."
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Stephen Leacock
"Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult."
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Stephen Leacock
"A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something."
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Stephen Leacock
"Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl."
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Stephen Leacock
"A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better."
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Stephen Leacock
"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."
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Stephen Leacock
"It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required."
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Stephen Leacock
"Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets."
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