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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
Author Name
Personal Development
"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
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Personal Development
"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
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Personal Development
"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
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Personal Development
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"The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine."
Writing
"It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it."
Humor
"Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult."
Writing
"If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it."
Education
"A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better."
Truth
"It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish."
Humor
"Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour."
Life
"We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor."
Humor
"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies."
Wisdom
"It may be those who do most, dream most."
Inspirational
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