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W. Somerset Maugham

"You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance."

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"You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance."

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Amber Hurdle

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

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Amber Hurdle

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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Amber Hurdle

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

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Amber Hurdle

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

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Amber Hurdle

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

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Amber Hurdle

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

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Amber Hurdle

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

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Amber Hurdle

"And then Mum spoons the coffee a little as if she's having fantasies of flinging it in Britt-Marie's face. But in a controlled way."

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Amber Hurdle

"Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere."

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Amber Hurdle

"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."

Explore more quotes by W. Somerset Maugham

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W. Somerset Maugham
"The ideal has many names and beauty is but one of them."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"Act so that every action of yours should be capable of becoming an universal rule of action for all men."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"I do not believe that I am a vindictive man, but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the results with complacency."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"Was it necessary to tell me that you wanted nothing in the world but me?'The corners of his mouth drooped peevishly.Oh, my dear, it's rather hard to take quite literally the things a man says when he's in love with you.'Didn't you mean them?'At the moment."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"It was like making a blunder at a party; there was nothing to do about it, it was dreadfully mortifying, but it showed a lack of sense to ascribe too much importance to it."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"It looked as though you did not act in a certain way because you thought in a certain way, but rather you thought in a certain way because you were made in a certain way. Truth had nothing to do with it."
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W. Somerset Maugham
"It wasn't until late in life that I discovered how easy it is to say "I don't know.""
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