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Quotes by Comedian
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves."
55
"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
55
"Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more."
55
"Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside."
Gold,
54
"You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it."
54
"We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free."
54
"Digital brand integration is part of the evolution of product placement. It's simply another tool marketers use to get products integrated into shows. If you can put it in a package, we can put it in a show."
54
"We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself."
54
"The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk."
54
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting."
54
"I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real."
54
"I think most politicians could take a dodgeball in the face."
54
"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
54
"Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you."
54
"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."
54
"I mean I can do it when I'm very relaxed, and with good friends, then I think I can be amusing."
54
"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
54
"I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry."
54
"Some struggle is healthy. If you can embrace it rather than be angry, you can use it as your pilot light."
54
"People who annoy people are the luckiest people in the world."
54
"I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter."
54
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
54
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
54
"I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same."
54
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