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"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."
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"He's called you, like, four times in the past week. And seriously, you should be embarrassed. I've never met anyone who has as much phone sex as you two. My eyes narrowed on her. "How do you know about the phone sex? "Duh. I pick up the phone and listen. I gaped at her."
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
"Especially while television I think is going through some growing pains or is in need of - I think current comedy is a bit, uh, not happening, you know?"
Explore more quotes by Paul Putner
"I remember going to my school careers advisor and asked about jobs that required scuba divers. It was a phase."
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