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"Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious."
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"When we took on the name The Drifters, we became the new Drifters, and signed a contract to be put on salary, which I think was like a hundred dollars a week, a piece, five hundred dollars for all five of us."
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"Deep Throat was a very unfortunate name given to the source by the managing editor of The Washington Post."
"I went for an outrageous form of expressing myself. It seemed to be a way that I could make my name and show that I was somebody."
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"I remember a couple of instrumental albums, just don't ask the names."
"Human beings are the only creatures who are able to behave irrationally in the name of reason."
"Anne Baxter was a very good actress, Donna Reid was great. You couldn't name an actress I wasn't crazy about."
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Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that."
"But what is it that drives haters crazy with rage? Many times, it's being ignored. To a person with pride, being ignored is often worse than out-and-out hate; it's that much more of an insult, that you're not even worth noticing."
"To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that."
"New Rule: Apple's next device must be a computer that you control with your tongue. Thanks for eliminating the keyboard and the mouse, but pointing and pushing at things already seems too complicated and tiring. We're Americans--and until you free our hands from the computer entirely, we can never attain our ultimate goal: Web surfing while eating and masturbating."
"I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed."
"The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap."
"We were asked to do very little, and we responded. That's the bargain we tacitly make with our presidents: we won't ask too much of you, if you don't ask too much of us."
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