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"I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away."
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"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."
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Personal Development
"At this very moment I'm behind on a compilation that Slave Labor is doing for Free Comic Book Day."
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Personal Development
"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."
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Personal Development
"Let us develop the resources of our land, call forth its powers, build up its institutions, promote all its great interests, and see whether we also, in our day and generation, may not perform something worthy to be remembered."
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Personal Development
"We're trying to have the band create something beautiful that hopefully one day, 20 years from now, can be picked up by a kid and hopefully have the same effect that Neil Young had on me, or Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath."
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Personal Development
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
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Personal Development
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
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Personal Development
"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
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Personal Development
"Today everyone is a star - they're all billed as 'starring' or 'also starring'. In my day, we earned that recognition."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is day, and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both, more bewitching than either."
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"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."
Family
"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"
Family
"Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work."
Life
"It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old."
Old
"Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?"
People
"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."
Quality
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
People
"The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more."
Years
"I know God is real."
God
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
Father
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