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Comedy Quotes



"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."



"Jerry Bruckheimer creates comedy, he just doesn't realize because he's a turd."


"I don't do comedy so much although I would like to do a comedy."


"About 25 years ago, I was in an apartment, and next door, they put on the radio, so I struck the wall with my fist, but they did not put the radio down. I took a tool and banged until I made a hole through the wall. It was like a comedy movie."


"Avoiding humiliation is the core of tragedy and comedy."


"I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way."



"I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage."


"Are you all right? he asked Olivia. His heart was still racing with terror that she'd been hurt. "I heard a woman scream."Ah, that would have been me, Sebastian said.Harry looked down on his cousin, face frozen in disbelief. "You made that noise?"It hurt, Sebastian bit off.Harry fought not to laugh. "You scream like a leettle girl."


"Jules lips quivered, and I feared she was about to cry. Then she asked, 'He bit off more than he could chew, didn't he? She made a motion as if she was biting into a tough piece of steak.Gabriella's lips sealed shut as she tried to hide her grin, though she failed at it when Andrew asked, 'Was he eating? He turned desperately to Gabriella, confused.Jules wasn't about to cry, she was trying not to laugh! She giggled then, the sound tinkling and odd in the outlandish setting.Andrew straightened and shook his head at Gabriella. 'Did you see him eat?"


"It's a director's job to tell a story and he's very well versed in telling stories with a bit of comedy in them and keeping the pace of the movie right and that's exactly what he did. He was observant of a world he didn't understand but he told a wonderful story."


"Strangely, Dante's Divine Comedy did not produce a prose of that creative height or it did so after centuries."


"There's always been physical suffering in comedy."



"I've played comedy before but not that much. I mostly do get drawn to darker material."


"I think that comedy really tells you how it is. The other thing about comedy is that - you don't even know if you're failing in drama, but you do know when you're failing in comedy. When you go to a comedy and you don't hear anybody laughing, you know that you've failed."


"I enjoy doing everything, comedy and drama. I just look for the characters really and what they offer."


"Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. 'How does he always get food stuck to him?' I asked Morelli. 'I don't know,' Morelli said. 'It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure.'-Morelli And Stephanie."



"The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain."


"Next to fried foods, the South has suffered most from oratory."


"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."


"My favorite laser disk ever was the laser disk for The Graduate, which had a commentary track that wasn't even the filmmakers, it was a professor, some film criticism guy who just happen to be this amazing commentator who went off into the whole theory of comedy."


"He's called you, like, four times in the past week. And seriously, you should be embarrassed. I've never met anyone who has as much phone sex as you two. My eyes narrowed on her. "How do you know about the phone sex? "Duh. I pick up the phone and listen. I gaped at her."


"I'm not your boyfriend! I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body.'How can you say that? Sara asked in horror.'It's shockingly effortless, I replied. 'My vocal chords vibrate, and my mouth and tongue articulate. I can even do it without thinking. I had to remind myself to stay calm, and sarcasm was the best way to do that.'When are you going to give me a key to your house so I don't have to knock like some guest? Sara asked, coming at me again.I backed away. 'How about never? Is never good for you?Sara, undeterred, said, 'You're the reason I go to therapy on Fridays.'The plot thickens! Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief."


"It's okay. I'm-'Fine? Joseph chimed in. 'Obviously not. You need to be checked out by a doctor. 'I am a doctor. I rolled my eyes at him, but that didn't deter him from his train of thought. 'Not that kind of doctor.'What is 'that kind of doctor' going to say when they see my shimmering pink blood, Joseph? I changed my voice to mimic one of a concerned doctor. 'I'm sorry ma'am, you appear to be suffering from a mild case of Pretty Pretty Princess syndrome. Have you ingested any magical woodland faeries recently?"


"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."


"When the nurse leaves, Doctor Rose mouths, 'Act like you're in pain. Then she mimics a painful expression in case Summer doesn't understand. On the contrary, Summer's an expert at interpreting body language and reading lips. It's all thanks to her observant nature while enslaved on the Cosmos. Who else could tell that Peter's discomfort is due to him wearing the same pair of underwear for a week straight? Ah, yes, she always knew when day six and seven approached. She watched the crew member with much amusement as he waddled, pulled wedgies, and scratched his bum relentlessly. Not that anyone else cared to know that little nugget of information."


"He's sort of a homeless horse, I said.'I'm leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won't be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don't want that horse in my apartment.'Who would put a horse in an apartment? That's dumb.'Where's the horse staying now?'My apartment.'I can always count on you to brighten my day, Ranger said. And he disconnected."


"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."


"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."


"He's a love-'em-and-leave-'em kind of guy. And though he's not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.William growled low in his throat. "Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone? He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. "Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya's the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. "William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel."


"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
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