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"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We didn't know anything about comedy duos - Abbot and Costello, Martin and Lewis - we didn't know anything about that. Kim Fields showed us a tape of Martin and Lewis and their old shows and they come through the curtain so we started doing research on them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's always been said that comedy comes mostly out of the dark side anyway."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way."
Author Name
Personal Development
"To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I get all of my comedy from CNN."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Here's the thing about Apple, we complain and they give us more battery life. We complain and they'll give us more stuff. Everything's beta right now. Everything's experimental. They really don't know what people want."
Life
"I was in the Air Force and was a boom operator (in-flight refueling). I got my comedy start in the Air Force."
Comedy
"I'm under stress. They killed me on wikipedia. They killed me. And I didn't stay dead long enough to sell no DVDs. I didn't even stay dead long enough - I was too stupid. I should've stayed low. I should've laid low. I could've been gone for a year; I'd have made money. And then I'd have risen from the dead."
Money
"We all want something else other than what we have and don't realize what you got works. It works. It does work. You gotta work. Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure."
Marriage
"Don't let people treat you like you're stupid. If it sounds too good to be true, it is."
People
"But I said wait a minute, I'm going to get a computer, I can do this as well as anybody else. So I did some studying so I knew what kind of boards to get to put a PC together. But there was a guy sitting there with Apple. I said, 'what's that?' and he goes, 'Apple with 128k, it's all built into the box,' and I bought it. That was my first computer."
Computer
"If you got a name like Barack Obama, you're supposed to fight."
Fight
"We ask for way too much stuff - way too much stuff. You got a job making $100 a year and bought a house for $3 million. Talking about, 'I don't know what happened with the payment.'"
Job
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