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Exlpore more Comedy quotes
"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
"He's called you, like, four times in the past week. And seriously, you should be embarrassed. I've never met anyone who has as much phone sex as you two. My eyes narrowed on her. "How do you know about the phone sex? "Duh. I pick up the phone and listen. I gaped at her."
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
"He's a love-'em-and-leave-'em kind of guy. And though he's not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.William growled low in his throat. "Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone? He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. "Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya's the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. "William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel."
Explore more quotes by Stephanie Perkins
"What...what about when I'm married?'We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits."
"Because that's the thing about depression. When I feel it deeply, I don't want to let it go. It becomes a comfort. I want to cloak myself under its heavy weight and breathe it into my lungs. I want to nurture it, grow it, cultivate it. It's mine. I want to check out with it, drift asleep wrapped in its arms and not wake up for a long, long time."
"I don't believe in fashion. I believe in costume. Life is too short to be same person every day."
"We straighten , bu our snickering is barely contained as we attempt to focus our attention on a picture of a discarded Coke can. 'This guy's lady love is kind of a slob, don't you think?' he whispers.I cover my mouth with my hands again.'A reaaaaaaaal litterbug.'Stop it,' I hiss. My eyes are watering. 'Ohmygod look at this one! How did he get her toenail clippings?'If you were my girl,' he whispers, 'I'd take creepy pictures of your trash when I knew you weren't looking.'If you were my girl,' I whisper back,' I'd put the creepy pictures in a foreign museum so you wouldn't know that I take creepy pictures."
"The only French word I know is oui, which means 'yes, and only recently did I learn it's spelled o-u-i and not w-e-e."
"Crushes are so awful. I wonder if they suck worse for the crush-er or the crush-ee. I consider my three years of watching Josh from afar. Yeah, definitely the crush-er."
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