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Quotes by Comedian
"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
38
"The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining."
37
"If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show."
37
"As you get older, you realize it's work. It's that fine line between love and companionship. But passionate love? I'd love to know how to make that last."
37
"I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness."
37
"I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days."
37
"They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them."
37
"Most of my friends between 21 and 31 are at different stages of figuring out what the hell they are going to do with their lives. It's a big part of our generation. What is the next step?"
37
"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar.""
37
"Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people."
37
"So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!"
37
"Civilization is hideously fragile and there's not much between us and the horrors underneath, just about a coat of varnish."
37
"I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars."
37
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
37
"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
37
"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."
37
"With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you're parodying."
37
"If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat."
37
"You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask."
37
"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."
37
"Everyone is treating it like a Hollywood story. In Madison, it's a neighborhood story."
37
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