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"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
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"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
Father
"Old is always fifteen years from now."
Now
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
Life
"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked."
Day
"Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much."
Kids
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
End
"Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger."
Work
"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station."
Father
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
Success
"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
Parenting
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"To improve your memory lend people money."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Trial and error is not bad, but not the best. If you don't know where the crowd is going, don't follow it. Get set."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Go the extra mile to do the undone, but work within your limits, and in doing so also, don't be a coward to question things within your limit that are not all that right, and don't be too arrogant or proud or be filled with excessive knowledge to do things which might though be within your limit, yet out of limit, for you must live and leave nothing, but distinctive and lasting footprints!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
Author Name
Personal Development
"An advice is truly valuable when people not just give it their ears but also their obedience."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Naturally, since I myself am a writer, I do not wish the ordinary reader to read no modern books. But if he must read only the new or only the old, I would advise him to read the old."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You come to me for advice, but you can't cope with anything you don't recognize. Hmmm. So we'll have to tell you something you already know but make it sound like news, eh Well, business as usual , I suppose."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never give anyone the advice to buy or sell shares, because the most benevolent price of advice can turn out badly."
Author Name
Personal Development
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