"Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others."

"MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."

"So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!"

"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from."

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid."