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"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
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"Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning."
"When I came up, there was room for the new and the old. For every new artist, an old one didn't have to be pushed out."
"Only very brave mouse makes nest in cat's ear."
"There's a huge demand for my entertainment, and I can't meet the need. So I decided to try a TV show to reach as many of my fans as possible."
"Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them."
"It looks like to watch a film without little horror is like to eat a pizza without the extra stuff on it. Like the sauces!"
"James Brown is important because he decorates the clock correctly and he's good with lower mathematics. Don't get me wrong - he's good."
"I had the great good fortune to interview Peggy Lee. Her memories of working with Walt Disney and his team were warm and upbeat."
"An audience can really lift you right up off the stage."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation."
"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."
"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."
"I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it."
"With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you're parodying."
"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"
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