Quotes by Comedian | Beyond Motive 41/75

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Quotes by Comedian

"There were 84 original episodes. It was rated No. 1 and No. 2 on the Fox Children's Network. We figured it was time to make it available to people who have never watched it."

"There were 84 original episodes. It was rated No. 1 and No. 2 on the Fox Children's Network. We figured it was time to make it available to people who have never watched it."

Howie Mandel, Canadian Comedian

Time, People, Children, Network

44

"Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model."

"Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model."

Jimmy Fallon, American Comedian

Work, Cancer, Connection, Environment

44

"Learn about the world, the way it works, any kind of science and anthropology, it's really an interesting place we live in. Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think."

"Learn about the world, the way it works, any kind of science and anthropology, it's really an interesting place we live in. Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think."

Randy Newman, American Comedian

Science, God, Idea, Anthropology

44

"You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it."

"You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it."

Bob Hope, American Comedian

44

"I like to think of myself at home in the armchair, writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop."

"I like to think of myself at home in the armchair, writing, smoking and occasionally wandering down the shop."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Home, Smoking, Writing

44

"I definitely want people to laugh because I don't think there's a better feeling - I think it's just so fabulous to laugh. I don't mind if people think, either. I think the brain is a very sexy organ."

"I definitely want people to laugh because I don't think there's a better feeling - I think it's just so fabulous to laugh. I don't mind if people think, either. I think the brain is a very sexy organ."

Kate Clinton, American Comedian

People, Feeling, Mind, Want

44

"I think my view is that whenever you project into the future you're never likely to be accurate in the details, or the paraphernalia and style."

"I think my view is that whenever you project into the future you're never likely to be accurate in the details, or the paraphernalia and style."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Future, Project, Style

44

"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."

"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."

Jay London, American Comedian

End, World, Worry

44

"It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video."

"It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

Dictatorship, Art, Frustration, Power

44

"I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me."

"I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me."

Kevin Nealon, American Comedian

44

"I have pushed the boat out as far as I should in terms of taking on too many things. I'm getting older and I just could not take it any more. I am now monitoring myself very closely and I'm just trying not to get into that sort of state again."

"I have pushed the boat out as far as I should in terms of taking on too many things. I'm getting older and I just could not take it any more. I am now monitoring myself very closely and I'm just trying not to get into that sort of state again."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Now, State, Trying

44

"If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you."

"If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you."

Wanda Sykes, American Comedian

44

"And I used to listen to a lot of jazz."

"And I used to listen to a lot of jazz."

Debra Wilson, American Comedian

44

"We all have faults, and mine is being wicked."

"We all have faults, and mine is being wicked."

James Thurber, American Comedian

44

"Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse."

"Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse."

Paul Lynde, American Comedian

Mother, Mothers, Want

44

"We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience."

"We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience."

Howie Mandel, Canadian Comedian

Experience, Life, Writers

44

"I'd probably want to teach at university, because children would drive me insane. I suspect it would be English literature, Shakespeare and so forth. I've always been deeply, deeply in love with that kind of thing."

"I'd probably want to teach at university, because children would drive me insane. I suspect it would be English literature, Shakespeare and so forth. I've always been deeply, deeply in love with that kind of thing."

Stephen Fry, British Comedian

Love, Children, English, Literature

44

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers, American Comedian

44

"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."

"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Perception, Mind, Vision, Awareness, Interpretation

44

"But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar."

"But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar."

Ellen DeGeneres, American Comedian

Life, Winning, Priorities

44

"Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope."

"Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

Cows, Fun, Hunting

44

"And we know Bruce Campbell from way back, so that was a lot of fun."

"And we know Bruce Campbell from way back, so that was a lot of fun."

Kevin McDonald, Canadian Comedian

44

"I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up."

"I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up."

Wanda Sykes, American Comedian

Work, Energy, Project

44

"We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that."

"We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that."

Louie Anderson, American Comedian

44

"It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus."

"It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus."

Rob Corddry, American Comedian

44

"A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death."

"A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death."

Robert Benchley, American Comedian

Death, Family, Cure, Nothing

44

"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"

"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"

Demetri Martin, American Comedian

Ability, Hell, Mail

44

"My act is based on my life."

"My act is based on my life."

Kathy Griffin, American Comedian

44

"I didn't realize House would be the central character, more the bitter comic relief appearing occasionally. I relish his wounded nature - the lameness, the scarred Byronic hero."

"I didn't realize House would be the central character, more the bitter comic relief appearing occasionally. I relish his wounded nature - the lameness, the scarred Byronic hero."

Hugh Laurie, British Comedian

Nature, Character

44

"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."

"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."

Simon Pegg, British Comedian

Humor, American, Sense, Understanding

44

"The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door."

"The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door."

Julian Clary, English Comedian

Language, Living

44

"My way of making people like me was to make 'em laugh."

"My way of making people like me was to make 'em laugh."

Carrot Top, American Comedian

44

"It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is."

"It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is."

Joel McHale, American Comedian

People, Control, Actor, Career

44

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."

George Carlin, American Comedian

Answers, Reason, Talk

44

"I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home."

"I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home."

Ruby Wax, American Comedian

Home, Mom, Mother, Waiting

44

"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."

"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."

Jeff Foxworthy, American Comedian

44

"I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red."

"I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red."

David Letterman, American Comedian

44

"I love to come in and play with a wig or glasses or clothes. I love using props. I'm from the Peter Sellers school of trying to prepare for the character."

"I love to come in and play with a wig or glasses or clothes. I love using props. I'm from the Peter Sellers school of trying to prepare for the character."

Dan Aykroyd, Canadian Comedian

Love, Character, Clothes, Play

44

"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."

"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."

David Letterman, American Comedian

44

"My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand."

"My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand."

Damon Wayans, American Comedian

44

"Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy."

"Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy."

Joel McHale, American Comedian

Comedy, End, Fact, Jokes

44

"I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere."

"I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Woman, Women, Children

44

"The only spoof I think is the title, which was just we thought of very early on and it kind of stuck."

"The only spoof I think is the title, which was just we thought of very early on and it kind of stuck."

Simon Pegg, British Comedian

44

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

Groucho Marx, American Comedian

44

"And, we put a lot more value, or at least I personally put a lot more value, on the creative values and creative challenges of something than the commercial necessities."

"And, we put a lot more value, or at least I personally put a lot more value, on the creative values and creative challenges of something than the commercial necessities."

Rowan Atkinson, English Comedian

44

"I'm happy to say that I'm a lesbian in the world. I know there are people who don't want to be called women comedians, but I think it gives a path to the fact that we live in extremely patriarchal times."

"I'm happy to say that I'm a lesbian in the world. I know there are people who don't want to be called women comedians, but I think it gives a path to the fact that we live in extremely patriarchal times."

Kate Clinton, American Comedian

Woman, Women, People, Comedians, Fact

44

"I'd much rather have sat there and just been a fly on the wall, instead of having to smile at people. I'd rather have been a waitress. Just gone round and stared at people."

"I'd much rather have sat there and just been a fly on the wall, instead of having to smile at people. I'd rather have been a waitress. Just gone round and stared at people."

Jennifer Saunders, British Comedian

44

"If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!"

"If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!"

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Sensuality, Dance, Love, Expression, Passion

44

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

Jerry Seinfeld, American Comedian

44

"I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away."

"I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away."

Jeff Foxworthy, American Comedian

44

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