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"We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that."
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"I like stirring things up. I'm on the side of the kids more than I am on the adults. And occasionally I find some adults that have that same mischievous streak, so I don't get in too much trouble."

"The adults don't know what's happening on the kids' universe and the kids don't know what's happening on the adults' universe."

"Nobody got Punk'd and he was still in his season for that show when we were filming. So the kids were very aware that it was filming and that was his show and they were very much on the lookout for that."

"Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you."

"I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked."
Explore more quotes by Louie Anderson

"Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book."

"A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?"

"You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family."

"I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. And I hurt people."

"I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated."
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