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Jerry Seinfeld

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

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"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

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Asa Don Brown

"The doctrine that all men are, in any sense, or have been, at any time, free and equal, is an utterly baseless fiction."

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Asa Don Brown

"Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men's opinions of us, forms our true honor."

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Asa Don Brown

"Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men."

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Asa Don Brown

"Wine hath drowned more men than the sea."

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Asa Don Brown

"My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em."

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Asa Don Brown

"I cannot help fearing that men may reach a point where they look on every new theory as a danger, every innovation as a toilsome trouble, every social advance as a first step toward revolution, and that they may absolutely refuse to move at all."

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Asa Don Brown

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation."

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Asa Don Brown

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."

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Asa Don Brown

"All men are somewhat ridiculous and grotesque, just because they are men; and in this respect artists might well be regarded as man multiplied by two. So it is, was, and shall be."

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Asa Don Brown

"Like all weak men he laid an exaggerated stress on not changing one's mind."

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Jerry Seinfeld
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
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"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
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Jerry Seinfeld
"People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
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Jerry Seinfeld
"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
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