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"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."
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"A 'white' kid that asks too many questions is called 'curious.' A 'black' kid that asks too many questions is called 'forward.'"
"Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists."
"I'm glad that it didn't take as long to get Shepard off the ground as it's taken this series. I'd begun to think the Congo would be ahead of us in the space race before Whispering Smith ever got on the air."
"In the final analysis this congressional race is always going to be a close race, whether there's a presidential race or governor's race or not. But is this a better year? Yes, this would probably be a better year."
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Explore more quotes by David Letterman
"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
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