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"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."
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"The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."
"Oh no, real life is escape. The great terrors, the horrors--we hope--of your life come from reading fiction."
"Seeing's believing but feeling's the truth."
"The more you look, the less you see."
"The feeling that the world is full of people who think different is synonymous with wrong."
"What do we any of us have but our illusions? And what do we ask of others but that we be allowed to keep them?"
"Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things."
"Remarkable, really, the lengths to which humans will go to fit things into their version of reality."
"But even though she was attractive, there was something else about her that caught his eye. She was intelligent, he could sense that right away, and confident, too, as if she were able to move through life on her own terms. To him, these were the things that really mattered. Without them, beauty was nothing."
"Intelligence is a necessity, but when one is without a supernatural sense, intelligence becomes senseless."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"
"Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing."
"I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves."
"School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic - I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit."
"For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say 'Good morning, sir' or 'madam, ' depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require."
"There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin."
"Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled."
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