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"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
Hair

"I was born nine months premature."
Months

"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
Military

"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
Girlfriend

"I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road."
Driving

"At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?"
Country

"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
Information

"I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time."
Time

"I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out."
Hair

"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
Boss
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"At the end of the movie all of us have this shared redemption."
Author Name
Personal Development

"We are always on stage, even when we are stabbed in earnest at the end."
Author Name
Personal Development

"From where started, I think it is too far down to try and win a championship at the end of the season, although we had a very good first race at Mondello and scored some good points."
Author Name
Personal Development

"As President, I will end once and for all the use of taxpayer funds to promote the National Endowment for the Arts and other programs that subsidize amoral and degrading activities."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I just don't want to end up on something that bores the hell out of me. Otherwise, I'll fake a knee injury and get out of there."
Author Name
Personal Development

"For a woman, forty is torture, the end."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The recognition that things that are not sustainable will eventually come to an end does not give us much of a guide to whether the transition will be calm or exciting."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I think $100 at the end of the year doesn't mean a lot to me, but $100 from everyone in the state at the end of the year could mean lots of programs that could be good for Hawaii."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Unhappiness in a child accumulates because he sees no end to the dark tunnel. The thirteen weeks of a term might just as well be thirteen years."
Author Name
Personal Development

"My partner and I won the race, and I threw my hat into the air and bent to pick it up. Everyone started laughin' because I had split the back end of my pants out, and I wasn't wearing shorts."
Author Name
Personal Development
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