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Quotes by Comedian
"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
30
"I started recording because I was always complaining about the records that I was getting of my songs. At least if I did them and messed them up, I wouldn't have anyone else to blame."
30
"Sometimes, as a comedian, a line will come to you, that is so beautiful, so perfect, that you think: I did not create this line. This line belongs to all of us. Surely this is a line of God."
30
"If I have a rough day, and I'm angry, I'll just go into Kirk Douglas and throw over a table. And when I need to lift my spirits, Kermit can always do the trick."
30
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."
30
"There's huge, massive mother ships going up to the Yukon. They've been filmed and are on video."
30
"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."
30
"As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian."
30
"We don't watch the film anymore because we've seen it so many times, so we'll introduce it, walk out and we'll come back in right about when I wake up in the morning and walk over to the shop and everything's changed."
30
"I'm always amazed at the human capacity to not make fundamental changes, but instead merely adapt. I see these pictures of people in Beijing and New Delhi, walking around with masks on, because you can't walk outside your house and breathe? If you can't breathe? If that's not the cue to make a fundamental change, I don't know what is!"
30
"I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage."
30
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
30
"I know that we shall meet problems along the way, but I'd far rather see for myself what's going on in the world outside, than rely on newspapers, television, politicians and religious leaders to tell me what I should be thinking."
30
"Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could."
30
"If government were a product, selling it would be illegal."
30
"I'm sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn't think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children."
30
"That's what show business is, sincere insincerity."
30
"Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers."
30
"I spilled spot remover on my dog now he's gone."
30
"Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that."
30
"I played Liddy Dole last year and met her as well. From the artful way she phrased it, I still don't know if she had actually seen me play her. She made it sound like it was good, but that's just a gift they have."
30
"Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home."
30
"Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in the valley of the River Exe would be gone. The handsome agricultural landscape of which the British are so proud, carefully husbanded since Boudicca's day, would be replaced by natural growth. The most likely growth is real-estate developments."
30
"My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or anything, but he was worthless."
30
"I enjoy the character interplay. Sometimes the audience is not laughing, but smiling, and that is almost just as good because it keeps them ready to laugh."
30
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