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Quotes by Comedian
"I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started."
38
"I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game."
38
"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper."
38
"Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants."
38
"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."
38
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
38
"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness you'll never find it."
38
"The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is."
38
"I was one of the first veejays to take the camera out on location, and that's what was unique about MTV at that time."
38
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
38
"Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce "gubernatorial.""
38
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
38
"I'll tell you the truth; I wanted to leave me for Sid Caesar."
38
"I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over."
38
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
38
"Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere."
38
"Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself."
38
"Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal."
38
"Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up."
38
"Video games are so popular these days, getting the opportunity to star in one is something special. More people should do it."
38
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
38
"In the fall of 1943 we brought home our second son, whom we named Alexander."
38
"I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else."
38
"Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, "Thank you?""
38
"Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We'd be fun together."
38
"But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over."
38
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