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"I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started."
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"A man's face as a rule says more, and more interesting things, than his mouth, for it is a compendium of everything his mouth will ever say, in that it is the monogram of all this man's thoughts and aspirations."
"It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up."
"But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought."
"I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."
Explore more quotes by Todd Barry
"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."
"Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself."
"I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport."
"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."
"People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people."
"I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage."
"If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward."
"I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film."
"Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere."
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