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"I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started."
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"Before making a snap judgment, ask yourself if it really is something that has hurt you or simply just made you angry at yourself for allowing it to happen. It's amazing what 'sleeping on it' can do. A new day sees a new beginning."

"Who I am? Am I thinking?"

"I never thought I'd live to see the day that an American administration would denounce the state of Israel for rebuilding Jerusalem."
Explore more quotes by Todd Barry


"I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport."


"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."


"If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward."


"I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage."


"I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up."
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