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"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
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"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."

"Many people feel their outer self isn't the whole self."

"If you have carefully examined hundred people you met in your life journey, it means that you have read hundred different books! Every person you know is a book; world is full of walking books; some are boring, some are marvellous, some are weak, some are powerful, but they are all useful because they all carry different experiences of different paths!"

"If you ask a hundred people, they all give you different answers."

"We forfeit three-quarters of ourselves in order to be like other people."

"Public servants are paid to serve the American people. Do it well."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen."
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