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Humor Quotes
""Don't be scared of Bambi" the demon said. "She's only curious and maybe a little bit hungry."?"
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"Ok,' he says. 'First lesson.'Noah broadens his stance, taking his place firmly on the embassy side of the threshold. 'in the United States,' he says. Then, with both feet, he leaps on to the sidewalk. 'Out of the United States.' Quickly, he jumps back toward me. 'In the United States.' Another jump across the threshold. 'Out of the United States. In. Out. In --''Is this the part where I hit you?"
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"You should do that more often, he said. "Laugh, I mean."I know. But that sounded sad, and she didn't want to be sad, so she added, "I don't often get to torture grown men, though."Really? he murmured. "I would think you do it all the time.She looked at him."When you walk into a room, he said softly, "the air changes."
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"Morning, Bill,' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.'Go to hell!' said Bill.'Right-ho,' said his lordship."
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"Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep."
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"A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder."
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"I guessed princesses-in-training didn't wear pants."
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"Mary Webster was on the blower. Her advance agents saw Hank and me swimming in the middle of the river last night with no clothes on.H'rm, said Atticus. He touched his glasses. I hope you weren't doing the backstroke."
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"Do not demean yourself by stating the ridiculous," Grimalkin replied smoothly. Just because my species is vastly superior does not mean you should flaunt your idiocy freely. I know why you are here, dog.""Really", Puck called, craning his head to look up at the cat. "Well then, would you like to share your theory, furball?"
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"Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken."
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"The one, who doesn't break your heart, will break your balls."
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"Rainbows make great pets,because they're already house trained."
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"Pandora opened the box with the new high-heels, put them on and went out to town."
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"I gave her a look. "Rachel."Grace, you have to admit this is pretty weird. Say it. You disappearing from the hospital and Olivia is - and Sam suddenly shows up with you and, well, the freaky hallucinogenic mushrooms are looking more and more realistic, especially when you start talking about wolves. Because next step is for Isabel Culpeper to show up saying that everybody's going to be abducted by aliens and I have to tell you,I can't take that in my fragile emotional state. I think that -I sighed. "Rachel."Fine, she said. She threw her bag in the backseat and climbed in after."
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"Oh no I know that look. What are you thinking?That this is the most ridiculous declaration of attraction I've ever heard."
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
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"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt."
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"The existence of broccoli does not in any way affect the taste of chocolate."
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"Of the Seven Dwarfs, the only one who shaved was Dopey. That should tell us something about the wisdom of shaving."
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"Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll kind of be like my own personal jester."I flipped him off."Well that wasn't funny at all."
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"I hate people who are not serious about meals. It is so shallow of them."
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"Sure thing, Gumdrop."
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"The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't-whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
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"Conceited little mega-puppy."
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"But I'm not dead," Blue pointed out."BUT YOU ARE PRETTY SHORT."
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"What's this about?""Finally. Interest," was the only response."If this is one of your tricks..." Like the time Torin had ordered hundreds of blow-up dolls and placed them throughout the fortress, all because Paris had foolishly complained about the lack of female companionship in town. The plastic "ladies" had stared our from every corner, their wide eyes and let-me-suck-you mouths taunting everyone who passed them.Things like that happened when Torin was bored."
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"When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow."
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"CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight."
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"Despite his flaws, one has to admit that he is a whale-sized catch."I'll be thrilled when someone harpoons him, Lillian muttered, making the other two laugh."
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"Sports fans eat shit."
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"My fans have great senses of humor and eat too much chocolate."
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"To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day."
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"By the way, I haven't heard an 'I'm sorry' from you yet.' My sense of grievance had overwhelmed my sense of self - preservation.I am sorry that the maenad picked on you.'I glared at him. 'Not enough, ' I said. I was trying hard to hang on to this conversation.Angelic Sookie, vision of love and beauty, I am prostrate that the wicked evil maenad violated your smooth and voluptuous body, in an attempt to deliver a message to me.'That's more like it."
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