"Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse."

"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!"

"I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world."

"CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien."

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."

"Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal."

"Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!"

"Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding."

"Mothers are the necessity of invention."

"If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently."

"I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track."

"Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around."

"Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."

"I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family."

"I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations."

"We don't value craftsmanship anymore! All we value is ruthless efficiency, and I say we deny our own humanity that way! Without appreciation for grace and beauty, there's no pleasure in creating things and no pleasure in having them! Our lives are made drearier, rather than richer! How can a person take pride in his work when skill and care are considered luxuries! We're not machines! We have a human need for craftsmanship!"

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts."

"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices."

"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!"

"You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go."

"What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?"

"Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.Calvin: Oh."

"If you can't win by reason, go for volume."

"If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?"

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want."

"When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win!Conversations aren't contests!Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead."

"Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems."

"Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book."

"I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness."

"Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?"

"But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!"

"I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed."

"If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life."

"Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running."

"Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?"

"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?"

"It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool."

"On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home."

"Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience."

"You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy."

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."

"There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late."

"Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!"

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

"I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends."

"Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I wonder which one YOU are. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!"