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Bill Bryson

"If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it."

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"If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it."

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Donna Grant

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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Donna Grant

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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Donna Grant

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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Donna Grant

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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Donna Grant

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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Donna Grant

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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Donna Grant

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

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Donna Grant

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

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Donna Grant

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

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Bill Bryson
"In the mystifying world that was Victorian parenthood, obedience took precedence over all considerations of affection and happiness, and that odd, painful conviction remained the case in most well-heeled homes up until at least the time of the First World War."

Parenting

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Bill Bryson
"Open your refrigerator door, and you summon forth more light than the total amount enjoyed by most households in the 18th century. The world at night, for much of history, was a very dark place indeed."

Light

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Bill Bryson
"Shakespeare 'never owned a book,' a writer for the New York Times gravely informed readers in one doubting article in 2002. The statement cannot actually be refuted, for we know nothing about his incidental possessions. But the writer might just as well have suggested that Shakespeare never owned a pair of shoes or pants. For all the evidence tells us, he spent his life naked from the waist down, as well as bookless, but it is probably that what is lacking is the evidence, not the apparel or the books."

Literature

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Bill Bryson
"Nothing - really, absolutely nothing - says more about Victorian Britain and its capacity for brilliance than that the century's most daring and iconic building was entrusted to a gardener."

Architecture

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Bill Bryson
"She was torn between her customer service training and her youthful certitude."

Conflict

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Bill Bryson
"When you consider it from a human perspective, and clearly it would be difficult for us to do otherwise, life is an odd thing. It couldn't wait to get going, but then, having gotten going, it seemed in very little hurry to move on."

Life

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Bill Bryson
"I don't plan to write another science book, but I don't plan not to. I do enjoy writing histories, and taking subjects that are generally dull and trying to make them interesting."

Science

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Bill Bryson
"In France, a chemist named Pilatre de Rozier tested the flammability of hydrogen by gulping a mouthful and blowing across an open flame, proving at a stroke that hydrogen is indeed explosively combustible and that eyebrows are not necessarily a permanent feature of one's face."

Science

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Bill Bryson
"If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it."

Humor

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Bill Bryson
"I ordered a coffee and a little something to eat and savored the warmth and dryness. Somewhere in the background Nat King Cole sang a perky tune. I watched the rain beat down on the road outside and told myself that one day this would be twenty years ago."

Nostalgia

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