"Ok,' he says. 'First lesson.'Noah broadens his stance, taking his place firmly on the embassy side of the threshold. 'in the United States,' he says. Then, with both feet, he leaps on to the sidewalk. 'Out of the United States.' Quickly, he jumps back toward me. 'In the United States.' Another jump across the threshold. 'Out of the United States. In. Out. In --''Is this the part where I hit you?"

Humor, Play, Truth, Life, Observation

12

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"Ok,' he says. 'First lesson.'Noah broadens his stance, taking his place firmly on the embassy side of the threshold. 'in the United States,' he says. Then, with both feet, he leaps on to the sidewalk. 'Out of the United States.' Quickly, he jumps back toward me. 'In the United States.' Another jump across the threshold. 'Out of the United States. In. Out. In --''Is this the part where I hit you?"

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Personality, Identity, Education

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

Veronica Roth, American Author

Humor, Sun, Birds, Morning

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Humor, Truth, Life, Identity

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Drama, Social, Behavior

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Music, Pain, Friendship

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Friendship, Warning, Relationship

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Observation, Consciousness, Behavior, Privacy

"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Judgment, Language, Truth

Explore more quotes by Ally Carter

"Even at the Gallagher Academy, they don't teach you to break somebody's heart."

Heartbreak

"You can't really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can't yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can but Hi seemed like a much easier way to start the morning."

Friendship

"Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?"

Desire

"Honor is overrated."

Philosophy

"You look disappointed to see me, Zach,' Macey teased. 'Don't you like my jacket?"

Humor

"I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You."

Humor

"I came back, Uncle Eddie. Last year, after the Henley, I could have gone to any school in the world -- I could have done anything, but I came back.' 'You ran away, Katarina.' 'And now I'm back.' 'You're still running."

Identity

12

Standard

Customized

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."

"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."

"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."

Explore more quotes by Ally Carter

"Even at the Gallagher Academy, they don't teach you to break somebody's heart."

"Time. I would have gone somewhere to buy time."

"Time, Ms. McHenry,' Townsend said. 'It can be a cruel, cruel thing."

"Ooh..I want one' - BexThey're not puppies.' -Cammie."

"You can't really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can't yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can but Hi seemed like a much easier way to start the morning."

"Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?"

"Honor is overrated."

"You look disappointed to see me, Zach,' Macey teased. 'Don't you like my jacket?"

"I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You."

"I came back, Uncle Eddie. Last year, after the Henley, I could have gone to any school in the world -- I could have done anything, but I came back.' 'You ran away, Katarina.' 'And now I'm back.' 'You're still running."